The Ghetto Monk

On Monday, April 7th, I had the privilege of saying a few words after the passing of my Grandmother Anna Lee Noble (also known as Grannie Annie), who answered God’s call on March 27, 2014. Many might think that this would have been the time to tell the friends and family that came about the best memories that you had with the one who passed. Unfortunately, my reflection was not of that, but of how I couldn’t share these memories...because I had none.

I can’t really tell you what I said during the reflection because I was SO nervous. I just remember walking up to the podium and tears immediately started running down my face. My older cousin, who we call Bug, rushed to my side. I thank her for that. I did a lot of rambling, but I’m pretty sure I got my point across because I had the majority of my family hug me afterwards and tell me that my message was heard. Although, I do believe them I felt like I wasn’t satisfied. So, I wanted to reiterate my message with a clear mind and honest heart.

I didn’t have a very close relationship with my Grannie Annie. I believe it hurts more when you know that you had enough opportunities to connect with people, but you chose not to. I had plenty of calls from my dad asking me to call my Grannie Annie for her birthdays or just to say hello. I would tell my dad that I will, only to put it on the back burner and later receive a disappointing reaction from him after all my excuses. I think about those times today and wish that I could’ve reached out to her more.

As I sat back down after the reflection, I picked up my Grannies obituary. I started to read it and came across a section that talked about her faith with God. I didn’t know much about this side of her and I always had questions in my mind but never wanted to speak on it. I learned that she accepted Christ at an early age, and continued to walk with Him for 85 years. That’s amazing! What’s even more amazing is that for the first 25 years of her marriage to my grandfather, he still hadn't accepted Christ. As the godly woman that my Grannie was, she stuck by him until he turned his life to God and eventually became a deacon at Bible Way Temple in Washington, D.C. When I finished reading this, my heart started to smile.

Earlier this year I became a born again Christian. I’ve gotten into a more in-depth understanding of God’s calling and figuring out day by day my purpose in life. It’s been such an incredible experience and it’s not over yet. It truly excites me when I hear people share their faith as well as the time I get to share my own testimonies. It makes me more eager to learn about God’s word and plan.

In the book of Isaiah 43:25 it states,

“I, even I am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”

This verse means to me that no matter what you’ve done in your past it is forgotten. Every sin, every doubt, and every downfall will be wiped away. We spend so much time thinking about our “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” after God has already forgotten about it and didn’t look back. We need to focus more on what is ahead of us because we have a second. chance. I’m pretty sure that the 85 years that my Grannie was alive that she went through some tough times. For me, I have too. I know down the road with my Grannie that she had difficult periods sharing her faith to somebody that she truly loved and they didn’t quite respond the way she intended. I can relate. But I also believe that she trusted God to work in her favor and not give up. I can see similarities within myself on that. So with that being said, I do feel connected with her.

I got my chance to be born again and my faith is stronger than it was before. And that’s how I feel with my Grandmother. I will not be sad about the times I missed with her or how close I was/wasn't to her. I have already gotten a second chance to be with her spiritually through our Father. I am closer to my Grannie Annie. My faith, my love, my worship of Him, my trials and tribulations, my praise to Him, I know that my Grandmother has been through it all. So I’m happy with that. No picture, story, or memory can tell me any different. And I can say this with a clear mind and an honest heart.

How did I get here? I’m 30 with no children, and no desire to have any. This isn’t what I pictured for myself, but then, my mental photographs are almost always out of focus.

It wasn’t overnight. Two years ago, I was in a very different place. I literally ached at the sight of every sweet cherubic brown face. I even made a Tumblr dedicated to just photos of cute black babies. I can’t point out a day on the calendar when it all changed. I suppose it came upon me as gradually as the spring has come this year. Little by little, then all at once.

I travel pretty frequently. Sometimes, I road trip, more often I fly. There’s always a family on the flight; sometimes with small children who are quietly amused by the iPad, sometimes with snuggly infants who will be sure to capture the attention of many passengers, occasionally with snarky teenagers embarrassed to be seen with their parents. On occasion I am amused by the small humans, at other times I am annoyed by them. Inevitably though, the same thought runs through my head every time: “thank God I don’t have any”.

Pause. I know what you’re thinking. How “Sex & the City” of her. How feminist, how selfish, how un-Christlike. Ok, let’s unpack that a little. Saying that you do not want to have children isn’t the same as saying you don’t want to love, serve, obey, or sacrifice. There are several major characters in the Bible who were obedient to the Spirit of God and had no children. You may have heard of Jesus. We have no way to tell if Jesus had any desire to father children but we do know that he had a purpose and he fulfilled it. Same with Paul. Having a family was just not practical for him, and he provided sound reasoning. For me, while I have a deep desire to love and serve God, I don’t necessarily believe that bearing children is best conduit for me to accomplish those goals.

To be very candid, I think of children as expensive, time-consuming, and sticky. I love spending time with the tiniest new members of my family or cuddling with a sleepy toddler when the need arises. But I don’t feel the need to provide child care on a permanent basis. Yes, I value my freedom. But its deeper than that. While some people are blessed with nurturing skills from jump, I’m not sure I was. I often struggle in my interactions with children. I don’t know much about Peppa Pig and they don’t want to discuss the finer points of Paul Ryan’s budget proposal so we come to an impasse. I would be lying if I said there weren’t some underlying fears about not being a good mother or bringing another brown baby into a hostile world, but those aren’t the foundation of my decision, just the beams that support the structure.

The scariest part of making such a counter cultural decision for me is the reaction of my family. At 30, I‘ve heard enough questions and hints about starting a family to last a lifetime. I’ve always been the gold standard, the exceptional one, the one who did everything my parents wanted. So for me to not only not yet have a husband and children, but now to decide that I don’t want children, will devastate some members of my family. Because let’s face it: black girls don’t make a decision like this. Popular television shows depict women like myself who, like me, single in their 30s, decide to stop waiting for the man to come along and conceive via technology. Most of the women in my family started having children in their teenage years. A friend of mine, also black, has never wanted children. I remember her telling me her mother’s response: “Well, you better marry a white man, cuz black men want kids.”

The church also makes it difficult. All those stories of couples who struggled for years to conceive, often experiencing painful miscarriages. The ubiquitous adoption pressure. The birth control debate. The abortion issue. And of course the old “be fruitful and multiply” mandate. How could someone who has the ability to have children make a decision to not do so? This is more than a guilt trip. It’s an expedition of dishonor and shame. Luckily I’m not married so this isn’t as big of an issue, but what if I was? I’ve never met a believing woman who was married and didn’t want children…

Which brings me to the next issue: how will I find a partner if I don’t want to have children? Well, this is where I have to trust God. Either to sustain me as a single woman, to change my mind, or to bring the man into my life that feels content with amazing friends and family, lots of travel, cultural interest, perhaps a pet, and loving the people of God in the way we were made to do.

So, with all of that said, I reserve the right to change my mind. Who knows, maybe a year from now I’ll have the yearning again. But as of now, this is where I stand. My only certain desire is to serve the way I know how. And right now that is with college students. The way I love and serve them will be my legacy. And I can do that without getting stretch marks.

Follow Lauren on twitter at @whimsikal

1. The Impossible

He rode into town on a donkey to shouts of praise. Hosanna! Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Blessed is the King of Israel. Palms wave in the air and scatter the road as he clunks along. This is no powerful steed, so the entrance is slow and the praise long. "Hosanna! Save us," the crowd cries. They are desperate to be freed, desperate to become a nation unto themselves, freed -no- saved from the tyranny of the Romans. Surely this is the new David, the promised one. After all, he has already done the impossible. He raised a man from the dead. Everyone heard. Surely this is the new king. With disdain the Pharisees watch the growing fervor of the crowd. Shaking their heads, they throw shade at Jesus, "Look how the whole world has gone after him!"...continue reading

2. Black Rage Is Christian Rage

Six years ago, as a 17-year-old senior in high school in Fort Worth, Texas, I was horrified to wake up to this news story: Silk Littlejohn and Broderick Gamble, a betrothed couple in a city next to mine, had purchased a home together, but then, out on a walk, the couple was approached by a 66-year-old neighbor, Grace Head, who proceeded to beat Ms. Littlejohn with a 2-by-4 piece of wood. After Ms. Littlejohn was released from the hospital, she and her fiancée found the words "KILL, DIE, NIGGER" on their unfinished garage door. Mr. Gamble and Ms. Littlejohn were, understandably, upset, confused, and outraged...continue reading

For my previous thoughts on #CancelColbert, see “men at work: how sexism operates.”
Very briefly. Last post on the #CancelColbert stuff. I just wanted to go on record with this. Recently, a progressive blogger posted a “Mission Accomplished” blogpost celebrating how Stephen Colbert had become victorious over the anti-racist slacktivists who “wanted” his show cancelled. Not only does the author in question get everything about the campaign wrong unlike my friend Jason, but he also managed to show just how much he valued cultural ignorance over cultural intelligence.
- See more at: http://politicaljesus.com/2014/04/14/when-progressives-revel-in-cultural-ignorance-cancelcolbert/#sthash.mD4XqWkw.dpuf

when progressives revel in cultural ignorance #CancelColbert - See more at: http://politicaljesus.com/2014/04/14/when-progressives-revel-in-cultural-ignorance-cancelcolbert/#sthash.mD4XqWkw.dpuf

3. when progressives revel in cultural ignorance #CancelColbert

For my previous thoughts on #CancelColbert, see “men at work: how sexism operates.”
Very briefly. Last post on the #CancelColbert stuff. I just wanted to go on record with this. Recently, a progressive blogger posted a “Mission Accomplished” blogpost celebrating how Stephen Colbert had become victorious over the anti-racist slacktivists who “wanted” his show cancelled. Not only does the author in question get everything about the campaign wrong unlike my friend Jason, but he also managed to show just how much he valued cultural ignorance over cultural intelligence...continue reading

4. 3 little words. 1 big impact.

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” Matthew 25:35-36...continue reading

5. Messiahs, "Success," and the Way of Jesus: A Palm Sunday Sermon

That’s the message I hear when I listen closely to the world around me. Success is celebrated; failure is mocked. Success means: you matter; failure means: you don’t... continue reading

That’s the message I hear when I listen closely to the world around me. Success is celebrated; failure is mocked. Success means: you matter; failure means: you don’t. - See more at: http://theologicalgraffiti.com/Messiahs-Success-and-the-Way-of-Jesus-Palm-Sunday-Sermon#sthash.AsWJMgeo.dpuf

Messiahs, "Success," and the Way of Jesus: A Palm Sunday Sermon - See more at: http://theologicalgraffiti.com/Messiahs-Success-and-the-Way-of-Jesus-Palm-Sunday-Sermon#sthash.AsWJMgeo.dpuf

Last Sunday I was blessed with the opportunity to hear and see one of the top public intellectuals of our time, Dr. Cornel West. Dr. West came to Washington, D.C. to preach at the Sunday morning service at Howard University's historic Andrew Rankin Memorial Chapel. The sermon was a critique of society's propensity to exchange virtue for currency. Dr. West summoned the writings of W.E.B. DuBois, who posed a series of questions, in one of his lesser known bodies of work The Black Flame Trilogy, which reflect the values he believed should have been deduced from the Black Freedom Movement. Those values are integrity, honesty, decency, and virtue. Dr. West believed that of those four values, integrity was the most severely lacking in our current culture.

By definition selling out is the compromising of integrity, morality, or principles in exchange for personal gain. Whether it be the music industry, local/national government, the news/media, or the sports world, we see sell outs everywhere. What hurts the most is that for the last 10 months I have felt like a sell out. This feeling has come from compromising my integrity in exchange for readership and followers.

The word integrity comes from the same Latin root as integer and implies a wholeness of person. Just as we would talk about a whole number, so also we can talk about a whole person who is undivided. A person of integrity is living rightly, not divided, nor being a different person in different circumstances. A person of integrity is the same person in private that he or she is in public.[1]

Since the beginning stages of creating The Ghetto Monk I have strategized and theorized about how to get views and traffic to the blog. I find nothing inherently bad about that, but it was the way that I went about it that was a cause for concern. My early content was very safe and anyone who has followed me on twitter at any point in the last five years knows that that is not what I am about. I like to push buttons. I like to antagonize (in a good way). I like to confront the reality of the world we live in. I like to highlight injustice anywhere I see it and hopefully offer some kind of solution.

I was caught up in trying not to offend anyone. I wanted to appeal to both my conservative and progressive readers; my old and young readers; and my Black and non-Black readers. I was playing both sides of every fence. I had compromised my integrity as an aspiring revolutionary and as a radical follower of Christ to appease others and to gain followers who would serve only to boost my ego. I was divided.

I began to feel incomplete and unsatisfied with my writing. I started to question if I was even supposed to be writing at all despite the great feedback I had received over time. I then had a string of four events which were completely dissociated and random that reassured me of my purpose and calling. The first was a tweet from the chapel minister at my alma mater in which he informed me that he was able to keep pushing forward in environments that could possibly become hostile toward him because of his beliefs by reminding himself that his voice has value. Just a couple days later I received a text message from a former classmate of mine that reminded me that my voice was important to him at the very least and that the work I am doing is needed. That following Sunday I was invited to the church home of one of my coworkers and the pastor preached a sermon on discipleship. I thought that sermon was the culmination of that week's affirmations until I went to my parent's house after service and before I could even tell my dad about everything that was going on he asked me to grab a Bible off of his book shelf and read Psalm 73 to him.

I usually don't need it to be that clear for me to say, "Ok, God I get it."

Philippians 4:8-9 has been helpful on my path to regaining my integrity. The scripture states, "Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you."

The irony in all of this is that from the almost 50 posts that have gone up over the past 10 months, the ones that are most true to the type of content I wish to broadcast are the ones that have received some of the highest page views.

The sad reality is that today the norm is to compromise the four values mentioned above to gain wealth, notoriety, or power. Often, this "by any means necessary" attitude leads to a competitiveness and a self-ambition that sharply contrast the fruit of the Spirit described in Galatians 5. In the end, I want to be known as someone who was virtuous, full of integrity, honest, and decent.

1. African children are not your pawns: World Vision and Evangelical Imperialism

Post-Evangelicalism, White Saviorism, and PA$$ING FOR WHITE [EVANGELICAL]

I’ve noticed somewhat of a trend that’s pretty problematic that I wanted to draw out. You can call this my official response to the World Vision / White Evangelicalism drama that went on last week. At the center of the storm, there lied a Christian charity organization that decided to, then reversed on the decision, to hire Christians from denominations that affirmed same sex marriages...continue reading

Post-Evangelicalism, White Saviorism, and PA$$ING FOR WHITE [EVANGELICAL]
I’ve noticed somewhat of a trend that’s pretty problematic that I wanted to draw out. You can call this my official response to the World Vision / White Evangelicalism drama that went on last week. At the center of the storm, there lied a Christian charity organization that decided to, then reversed on the decision, to hire Christians from denominations that affirmed same sex marriages.
- See more at: http://politicaljesus.com/?p=18581#sthash.CH630pfl.dpuf

African children are not your pawns: World Vision and Evangelical Imperialism - See more at: http://politicaljesus.com/?p=18581#sthash.CH630pfl.dpuf

2. White Privilege Weariness (PartII)

So, I have to admit to you all, that "White Privilege Weariness" has already become one of my most read blogs… not this year but since I started blogging. I am amazed that it resonated with so many. As I have reflected on this a little more after receiving great feedback, here are a few more thoughts spinning in my head. I have a feeling this is going to make some people upset, but here we go!...continue reading

3. The Four Questions of Christian Education

One of the advantages of living in a free society is that parents have multiple options for how they can educate their children, including enrolling them in religious education. Christian education is unique in that teachers can integrate faith and learning in the classroom to unlock academic disciplines from mere materialistic or rational concerns to direct interdependence and collaboration with the providential work of the Triune God in his plan to redeem the entire cosmos.

In light this fact, if any student graduates from a Christian school, at either the secondary or the university level, and cannot answer the following questions I argue that the school is failing. These four questions wed the goal of the Christian life — namely, to glorify God — with our day-to-day lives in a way that expands the scope of how we think about vocation...continue reading

4. When Church Feels Like Home

Back in September of last year, I wrote this post about how church gives me anxiety. In that post I revealed that I hadn't actively attended church since I was 18, mostly due to the spiritual dissatisfaction I felt after attending a private Christian college and the growing pains of figuring out what my faith really meant to me. But I ended that blog post with hope. My husband and I had just started attending a new church and had even joined a Bible study...continue reading

5. Churches Standing Together for Oso Mudslide Relief

It’s been such a heavy week processing all the news from the tragedy of the mudslides in Snohomish County in Washington or otherwise known by locals as the Oso Mudslide...continue reading

About me

Ryan Herring

Connect With Me

Popular Posts

AVAILABLE NOW

Contact

About

Blog Archive